RE: Your bio on the website suggests that your real name is Giovanni. Do most people call you Gino?

Reg: Yes, Gino or Reg is fine.

RE: I think you’re best known around the world as Gino. Isn’t that right?

Reg: I’ve been on the radio a couple of times, but I don’t think I’m known around the world at all.

RE: Well, I think your name is pretty well known in scientific circles after all the work than was done in researching your DNA over many years.

Reg: I’m not sure I recall that.

RE: You must remember. It was huge. The mapping of the human Gino, it was called. Though I’m not sure why they think they needed to specify that you are human. Maybe, because you had a moustache while you were still in primary school, some people thought you might be an alien or some shit. Anyway, do you think that the good press from all of that has helped you to get through the 2016 Fixturegate scandal?

Reg: What scandal?

RE: You know. The rigging of the fixtures. We now know that the AATBL is like the AFL, because teams don’t play every other team the same number of times. The press has been up in arms and many of the teams are baying for blood. Where have you been?

Reg: Where have I been? I’ve been on the radio. Did I tell you I’ve been on the radio?

RE: Yes, OK, the radio. Now, if you could choose, would you be Donald Bradman, Donald Trump or Donald Duck?

Reg: No.

RE: Good call. Question 7. It seems that there are some people who actually choose to listen to you and that you’ve even done some work as a political commentator, a bit like that Antony Green fellow. He’s definitely odd. Why do they let such a sexually obsessed dude anywhere near a camera?

Reg: I’m not sure I follow.

RE: He is clearly obsessed about whether we’re going to have a well-hung parliament. How weird is that?

Reg: Not as weird as you. Good-bye.