Cannonball vs Brad

Cannonball: It seems you’ve had a life of glorious achievement. It says here that you were a blackboard monitor for two years in primary school and that you won a merit certificate in year 7.  After you left school, you were nominated four times for Meatworking Apprentice of the Year and you’ve recently retired from a sales position at Bric-a-Brac World. So, after such a diverse and successful career, what does the future hold for you, Brad?

Brad: Well, Usain Bolt says that you can achieve anything with hard work, so I thought I might have a crack at the 100m sprint at the next Olympics.

Cannonball: Is that realistic?

Brad: I’m no stranger to hard work, but maybe you’re right. I might do that thing with the long stick, where you jump over that bar. Or maybe the morathon.

Cannonball: The marathon?

Brad: No, I think the morathon is longer, as in more. More long. On and on. Morathon.

Cannonball: OK, I get it. It’s easy to confuse some words. Marathon. Morathon. Moron. So, you’re a Usain Bolt fan?

Brad: Actually, I think I’m more of a fan of Usain Bolt’s brother than Usain himself.

Cannonball: Who’s his brother?

Brad: Come on. You’ve heard of his brother. Andrew. He’s not quite as fast, but they say he’s the smart one of the family. The smart one or the short one – one of the two. I can’t remember.

Cannonball: Is this the same Andrew Bolt that I’m thinking of? White guy, the blogger and columnist? Some have said he’s a rather conservative.

Brad: Yeah, him. You can see a resemblance, but I guess Andrew is Usain’s brother from another mother.

Cannonball: Or another planet. Moving on, or perhaps staying with the planets theme, I’ve read that, like Andrew, you believe the earth is flat.

Brad: Rubbish. Absolute bollocks.

Cannonball: Well, this interview in Spreadsheet Enthusiast quotes you as saying, “Well, we should be believing the earth is flat”.

Brad: That Spreadsheet Enthusiast is a great magazine. It’s one of my all-time faves, but they can get things wrong. The interviewer’s name was Eartha. We were at her flat, enthusiastically spreading sheets, and the fire alarm went off. That’s when I said, “Well, we should be leaving Eartha’s flat.” I’m surprised she wrote it down.

Cannonball: Yeah, right. Do you expect my readers to believe that?

Brad: Come on. With hard work, you can achieve anything.