The Grand Bocce (Best Official Champion of Champions Extraordinaire) for 2022 is SuperMario. Yes, on the treacherous slopes of Mrs Herberts Park in Claremont, S&M rocketed from 6th position at the end of the home-and-away season to beat Cairo (which had climbed to the grand final from 4th place).
The day’s first game saw Reg play Cairo, with Reg prevailing 7-1, thereby booking himself a spot in the prelims and relegating Cairo to the semis.
Digger, comprising one third of Cairo’s line-up, was recovering from a nasty bite to the ankle from his neighbour’s ferret, and he bravely played the finals in a moon boot. In a show of remarkable fortitude and skill, Digger introduced seated all-terrain bocce to the world, and Cairo made it to the grand final. Perhaps, with most of the league’s players now in their seventh decade, seated ATB is the way of the future.
The second game saw the second-placed Urbane Gorillas claim a narrowish 7-5 win over Motherchucker. That slotted UG into the prelims and Mochu into the semis.
The fifth vs eighth clash saw another narrowish 7-5 result, with Fuchu too good for Australian Research and Space Exploration (RE and SNHDT playing without Buzz Lightbeer). That result found a berth in the semis for Fuchu and kicked ARSE into the Asti play-off.
The day’s fourth game saw sixth play seventh, and S&M comfortably beat Barney 7-3. That gave S&M the remaining prelim spot and pushed Barney into the Asti play-off.
The Asti play-off did see quite a few balls head south, a long way south, down the grassy slope that marks the boundary between skilfulness and reckless bravado. In the end, ARSE managed to hand the Asti to Barney, 7-3. There may have been some arse involved.
The first semi-final, Cairo vs Fuchu, was a cake-walk. Staying with the cake theme, Cairo creamed it, 7-0, that being the day’s only nil result.
The second semi-final pitted Motherchucker against SuperMario. In the lead-up to the finals, the sporting press had noted that back in 2001 SuperMario had started the finals in eighth place (ie: last), and somehow managed to defeat all comers and emerge as Grand BOCCE. However, this was 2022. Mochu was upbeat. He was confident. He had started from third place on the ladder, had been pipped in the 2019 and 2021 grand finals. SuperMario started the day in sixth place. Could he do it again?
Yes, SuperMario beat Mochu 7-5, ending Mochu’s 2022 campaign and taking himself to the first preliminary final, against the reigning Grand BOCCE, Reg.
By the time the Reg vs S&M game had begun, the story of SuperMario’s 2001 exploits was being murmured in hushed tones around the crowd. Could he do it again? Surely not. Reg pulled out to a 6-4 lead, but S&M had something left in the tank. SuperMario clinched the game with a stunning three-point end, prevailing 7-6 and snuffing out Reg’s hopes of back-to-back titles.
The Urbane Gorillas had finished the home-and-away season in second place (to Reg, by the tiniest of percentage margins). Cairo had been fourth, and one of their players was recovering from a nasty ferret bite and was on crutches. The bookies were favouring Urbane Gorillas to bring an unceremonious end to Cairo’s tilt at the trophy, but it wasn’t to be. Cairo won the second preliminary final 7-5, thereby securing a crack at the resurgent SuperMario in the grand final.
There was an unseasonal icy wind for most of the day, which tested the mettle of the players. Having learned the perils of hypothermia in Bardon Park in Round 4, SuperMario wore his big-boy long pants in the finals and reaped the dividends.
By the time of the grand final, SuperMario had properly warmed up. He had already let rip with two contenders for Shot Of The Day, and it seems he saved his best play for last, beating Cairo 7-3, and claiming the championship despite starting the day in sixth place.
Cairo thereby became the inaugural recipient of the Pink Mink trophy for second place.
SuperMario was the clear winner of Shot Of The Day.
Some said that Cairo had a cunning plan. As they had drawn SuperMario in the wine sweep, they went home with the lion’s share of the wine.
