The player formerly known as “Big Pineapple” has opted for a name change.
The player formerly known as “Big Pineapple” has persuaded the league’s nomenclature subcommittee to allow him to change his playing name to “HRH Prince Andrew II”.
“I’ve known all my life that the prince and I were born on the same day,” he gushed. “In fact, the palace gave my mum a bible and an an engraved commemorative teaspoon when the prince and I were born. OK, so their guys came around and took them back when I was six after I put a toffee in Sarah Rampling’s hair, but that wasn’t all my fault. She took my crayon.”
“Anyway, it’s still pretty cool, and I’ve decided to let go of my Big Pineapple past. I’ve moved on,” the former Big Pineapple explained.
“OK, I haven’t quite let go. I’ve decided that it’s time for my family to celebrate the fact that Prince Andrew and I were born on the same day, and the Windsors could perhaps do with some cheering up.
So, I’ve decided to give them an autographed copy of Brad’s AATBL interviews book and a couple of my haiku books. Maybe a teaspoon, too. Who knows? Maybe the prince will embrace his antipodean contemporaries. I’ve heard that trinkets have worked before.”