President Brad has decreed that there shall henceforth be a range of honours to be bestowed upon worthy recipients on the birthday of Cannonball, 26 June, (or on a chosen day representing the actual birthday) in each year.

At his press conference in Albany to announce the event, Brad said, “Yeah, look, I get the Queen’s Birthday Honours thing. I do. But really, this is Australia and we kind of need to focus on things that are more relevant to the here and now. Take all-terrain bocce, for example.

“When was the last time anybody received a gong from Liz for Services to All-Terrain Bocce? Who the hell is advising her? I plan to fix this. As president, I’m bringing in like a set of honours that will be understood by ordinary Aussies, mums and dads at the grass roots of the coalface, where the rubber meets the road and shit.”

“In recognition of a day that, like, should be better recognised and that, these awards will be called Cannonball’s Birthday Honours and announced on his, like, birthday in each year.”

“I’ve set up a committee and everything. We’re going to have meetings and keep minutes and shit. I’ll be in charge. It’ll be great.”

“Look, everybody should be able to have some cool initials after his or her name. My plan will totally fix that. With my awards, everybody gets something. It’s modelled on the primary school sports carnival.”

President Brad says that the recipients will receive commemorative pins and will be entitled to use representative post-nominals, as follows:

Always Chirpy (AC)

Average or Ordinary (AO)

Often Absent on Mondays (OAM)

Australian Citizen Deserving of Credit (ACDC)

Cheerful Recipient of Australian Postnominals (CRAP)

Special Helper In Times of Nasty Obstruction (SHITNO)

Friend of All-Terrain Bocce Oh Yeah (FATBOY)

Australian All-Round Good Guy or Girl and Hero or Heroine (AARGGGHH)

Even Reg Gets One (ERGO)