Barney: Hello? Shit. This is awkward. Should I call you God, Lord or something else? Yahweh? I’m not even sure how to pronounce that.

God: Let’s go with Morgan.

Barney: What, like Morgan Freeman?

God: It’s a name. Many identify his image with mine.

Barney: But on that basis, you could be Gary. I’m a Cats fan, as you know.

God: I’m probably more of a dog person. Sorry, a dog entity. I can’t stand cats. Groodles are nice. They’re very smart.

Barney: No, no. I’m talking about the footy team, the mighty Geelong Cats! Go Cats! [Long pause] Anyway, thanks for taking my call. Motherchucker gave me your number. He said you could probably spare five minutes for an interview, but he said you only want to talk about all-terrain bocce and you don’t want your phone number given to anyone else. That’s cool. No problem.

God: Proceed.

Barney: OK. Wow. Morgan. Where to start. OK. Who’s going to win the 2019 AATBL title?

God: Mother Reg will win. No question.

Barney: Is that because they have God on their side? I mean, with you backing them, they’d be looking like a pretty sure thing, wouldn’t they?

God: It’s not about me. The Kind and Gentle Motherchucker Champ is an absolute legend. In fact, I would say he’s the biggest legend of all time. The BLOAT, if you will.

Barney: If I will what?

God: Fuck me. If you will stop asking stupid questions, you will reduce your risk of being struck by lightning. I was telling you how great Motherchucker is. He is a dead-set legend. He is even better than your Gary the cat-man. Are you writing this down?

Barney: Yep. Well, I’m recording it, but you’d know that.

God: Yes, yes. I know what I know. Just be sure you say nice things about the KGMC.

Barney: Why are you whispering?

God: I’m not whispering. Maybe it’s your phone.

Barney: Well you’re certainly speaking very quietly.

God: Look, I’m in a library. All right? I can’t raise my voice and I’m not supposed to be on the phone. Just be nice to the KGMC or watch out. I have to go now.

Barney: Thank God.