With 2018 now upon us, the players of the AATBL have decided to share their wisdom with you.  These are their resolutions for 2018:

 

Reg: I’m going to stop listening to all those people who say I can’t dance.

 

 

Banker: Get out the hedge clippers and trim my nasal hairs from time to time.

 

Stella: Turn up on time more than once this season.

 

 

Big Pineapple: What the fuck? I never make new year’s resolutions, so this year I will continue to not make any. Wait, that’s not a resolution, is it?  Shit.

 

Gonad: Be a bit more imaginative.

 

 

Motherchucker. I will keep being the player that everyone else wants to be. I owe it to my public. You know it. KGMC.

 

SNHDT: This year, I will be true to myself, regardless of what the law says or Ian Fucking Parmenter thinks.

 

 

Cannonball: I will not be so easily distrac

 

 

 

Rawalpindi Express: This year I will not burn my testicles off with a heat gun.

 

SuperMario: I’m going to try to do a better interview for the bocce website. My last two were a bit shit. Sorry.

 

 

Sir Justice Airwick ROFL TKO: I’m told I should get out more, you know, and get a hobby or some shit to keep myself active. I’ve done my research and I’m gonna like set up a meth lab. This will get me out of the house, help me to meet people and it might even sort of be the hobby that pays for itself.

 

Buzz Lightbeer: Assuming the swabs come back negative, I’m going to avoid so-called medicines and just go with herbal remedies.

 

 

 

Barney: I have a new GP. He’s French. He has a funny accent, but I think he’s quite good. Anyway, he says I’ll stop coughing if I give up smirking. I’m confident that I can do that.

 

Brad: I’m going to stop blaming the dog for my little indiscretions. This year, whenever I shit on the lawn or chew the reticulation, I will not deny it.

 

 

Digger: I will continue not to be persuaded by mainstream dogma. We’ve been repressed for long enough. The complete lack of evidence is the surest proof that the conspiracy is working.