Buzz Lightbeer vs Motherchucker

Buzz: I hear you’re bringing out your own fragrance?

Mochu: Me? No.

Buzz: Didn’t you tell Brad that you were planning to release a scent? Is it something manly and robust, yet subtle?

Mochu: I think I know what you’re talking about. I was out in the van with Brad last week. We were just doing a bit of a warm-up for the car rally. At one point, I warned him that I might be making a bit of a smell. I’m guessing he told you that, but I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t want to bottle any part of what came next.

Buzz: I see. Speaking of failures to communicate, you’re quoted as having said that sitting is the new smoking. That can’t be right, can it?

Mochu: I have indeed said that. The health dangers of sitting are many and varied.

Buzz: But is sitting as bad as smoking? We know that, like actual smoking, passive smoking is dangerous as well. Is there a problem with passive sitting?

Mochu: What, as opposed to active sitting?

Buzz: No, I mean being near someone who’s sitting. Can that be harmful for a person nearby?

Mochu: Well, Brad might have a view on that. He wasn’t pleased to be near me in the van the other day and I was sitting.

Buzz: I’ve read reports that you’re gluten-intolerant. Is that right?

Mochu: No. Well, yes, but only in as much as I’m intolerant generally. I’m more intolerant of gluten-intolerance than I am of gluten itself. It’s all very well for restaurants to identify dishes that are gluten-free, but why don’t they put the same energy into fixing poor service, spelling errors on their menus, or getting rid of weak coffee? This obsession with gluten is unfairly favouring those who are gluten-intolerant over those of us who are more broadly intolerant. It’s not fair.

Buzz: Is it intolerable?

Mochu: What?

Buzz: Never mind. I’m told that you were not keen on mathematics when you were at school.

Mochu: That’s right. I was particularly unkeen on fractions. I found them very confusing and half the time I got them wrong. Well, I say half the time, but what would I know?

Buzz: Fair question. Thanks for your time. Please give some thought to the fragrance suggestion. Some players are suggesting names for a Motherchucker cologne already. I like “Mojo de Mochu”. I’m not sure that “Eau de Colon” was a serious suggestion.

Mochu: Thank you. I’m onto it.