Barney vs Reg

Barney: You have some impressive academic qualifications. I see that you have a Doctorate in Automotive Finance as a Second Language, a Master’s in Chocolate Milk and a Diploma in Spanish Physics. What’s Spanish Physics?

Reg: That’s a great question. When you hear the clacking of castanets, the roar of a crowd at a bullfight or the exciting strumming of the flamingo guitar…

Barney: Flamenco. Flamenco guitar.

Reg: I’m sorry?

Barney: Flamenco. You said flamingo guitar.

Reg: What’s your point?

Barney: Well, there’s no such thing as flamingo guitar. It’s called flamenco.

Reg: Look, when you’ve studied some Spanish Physics, how about I come and ask you about underlusian horses…

Barney: For fuck’s sake, it’s Andalusian! Andalusian horses. There’s no such word as underlusian. What the hell does this degree teach you?

Reg: I haven’t got the degree. I’ve got the diploma.

Barney: Just as well. Should I ask you about your Master’s in Chocolate Milk?

Reg: Let’s save that for next time.

Barney: OK. A Doctorate in Automotive Finance as a Second Language. How can automotive finance be a second language?

Reg: Well, how can it not? It’s not a first language at all…

Barney: [Shouting] IT’S NOT EVEN A LANGUAGE! [Pauses, breathing slowly]. I presume that, if this field of study exists at all, it’s about borrowing money to buy a car?

Reg: I think your prejudices are showing. It’s so much more than [using air quotes] borrowing money to buy a car. The field of study includes Salary Sacrificing for Sagittarians, Leasing from Foreigners and Why One Car Can be a Fleet. So, it’s got all the vital stuff and I can tell you that getting a doctorate in it is made so much more difficult when it’s not one’s first language.

Barney: But you just said it can’t be a first language.

Reg: Yes, as the name suggests, this doctorate is for those for whom automotive finance is a second language. You’re not a great listener, are you? Perhaps if you did some study yourself, you could get a real job. Something better suited to your temperament, perhaps.

Barney: Fuck off.

Reg: I think you mean “Fuck off, Doctor.”