Stella: Is it true that you have species dysphoria and multiple personality disorder?

Cannonball: Woof woof! Moo! Quack quack!

Stella: Really?

Cannonball: No, not really. I was just clearing my throat. I meant to say that some of us know how to share our Mars Bars, and others are, well, bastards.

Stella: Jesus wept. Still going on about that after 35 years?

Cannonball: Can I share something with you?

Stella: Certainly.

Cannonball: Good. At least one of us can share.

Stella: Moving on, this season you and Sir Justice are to be known as “Heaven’s Door”. Is that because you see this team as your portal, your doorway to sporting glory?

Cannonball: No. It’s just a door thing. Serge is unhinged and I’ve got a big knob. The heaven thing was just garnish.

Stella: Like parsley?

Cannonball: I don’t mind it. Why do you ask?

Stella: Never mind. Your profile on the website shows some aspects of you that are perhaps not well known. What are “pick-up lines that are Harry Potter references”? Can you give us some examples?

Cannonball: Hagrid’s not the only giant on campus, if you know what I mean. I’ve been whomping my willow thinking about you. Going to bed? Mind if I Slytherin?

Stella: Yes, they’re charming. What does your better half think?

Cannonball: You are like a bottle of Skele-Gro: You’re growing me a bone.

Stella: OK. I get it.

Cannonball: Do you want to head to the Shrieking Shack? We could do some shrieking of our own.

Stella: For fuck sake. Enough. You need to get out more.

Cannonball: Mars Bastard.

Stella: Piss off.