An interview with President Buzz Lightbeer

Serge: I’m told that you monitored the recent US election very closely. One of the things that were talked about was the use of social bots. Did you hear of anyone using anti-social bots?

Buzz Lightbeer: Well, Trump’s bot has quite a reputation. He once let rip with a long and bubbly fart that cleared the ballroom at the Beverley Hilton in 14 seconds. That’s pretty anti-social. The fire brigade even turned up. They didn’t put that in Time Magazine, did they?

Serge: No, I didn’t see that. I hear that one of your hobbies is civil disobedience.

Buzz Lightbeer: Yes, I like a good protest, but sometimes I’m not all that civil. Sometimes it’s pretty uncivil. A cop asked me to move my car and I called him “poo bum”.

Serge: Bloody hell. Imagine that.

Buzz Lightbeer: Yes, I’m often looking for a new protest cause to adopt. Someone sent me an email earlier this year, asking me to “Save the date”. I was inspired, but why stop at dates? Salvage the sultana. Nurture the dried apricot. Protect the prune. There’s a plethora of other dried fruits that could use a bit of advocacy on their behalves.

Serge: Behalves?

Buzz Lightbeer: Halves, wholes, I’m not sure that this should be so much about portion size as about avoiding fruity discrimination. There, but for the grace of whichever supreme being floats your particular boat, goes each of us.

Serge: So, as president of the league for 2017, don’t you think the league could be better marketed? Wagin has The Big Ram to draw attention to the wool it produces. Exmouth has the Big Prawn. We all know about the Big Pineapple. Should Perth have a Big Something to showcase the fact that it’s the home of all-terrain bocce?

Buzz Lightbeer: Um, Hello! I’ve been working my arse off to get the great game established in the US. It’s not just a Perth thing. Maybe you’re right, though. There could be a Big Dickhead, as long as it looks like you.

Serge: Harsh words from one so short.

Buzz Lightbeer: Yeah? Well, you’re a bum head as well.

Serge: You should have been a diplomat.