RE: I’m told that you recently gained a new member of your household, a rescue dog.

Mochu: Yes, a so-called rescue dog. I was expecting one of those St Bernards with a little barrel of brandy around its neck, ready to bound through the snow and rescue me, but this one has no brandy and no clue.

RE: Do you get much snow at your place? Do you need rescuing?

Mochu: Well, no, but that’s not the point. It’s false advertising. I’ll be calling my MP.

RE: Moving on, what would you change about the space-time continuum if you could?

Mochu: Well, I’d make it cheaper, for a start. It’s not fair that the filthy rich have more space and time than the rest of us. That sucks like a black hole.

RE: Black holes, space-time. You seem to know quite a lot about physics.

Mochu: I guess you could say that. I look after myself.

RE: What?

Mochu: I consider myself to be quite physical. Look at my calves. Two lovely, rippling specimens of manliness. Go on. Touch ‘em.

RE: That’s OK. Maybe later. Let’s talk about the league, shall we? Can the Pittsburgh Stealers actually get it done in 2016?

Mochu: You know we can. Blind Freddy can see that, but what about the real issues? Let’s talk about corruption in the league.

RE: I’m sorry?

Mochu: Yes, you should be sorry. You and Reg. What about the fixtures? How rigged is this competition?

RE: Yes. I blame Reg, but let’s talk about some more current issues.

Mochu: Yes, let’s talk about getting rid of these teams and going back to a completion of individuals, a competition of men.

RE: Your team, the Stealers, is not travelling all that well. Do you think your team is holding your back?

Mochu: Yes! No! That’s beside the point. It would be [pause] fairer if we played as individuals.

RE: Just you and your calves?

Mochu: Precisely. Just the three of us. What a team.