RE: So you were drafted from iBocce to GBU and now Motherchucker’s back with you. How does that feel?

S&M: First, I was afraid. I was petrified. No, wait – that’s a song. It’s actually not so bad. Once you get past the spin, the bluff and bluster, the KGMC is really quite (pause) tall.

RE: What?

S&M: He’s not as short as he looks on TV. You know, like that little Scientologist yank that was married to Nicole Kidman.

RE: Keith Urban?

S&M: Yes. No. Tom Cruise. He is about three feet tall, but they always make him look at least 5’2’’. It’s weird.

RE: And Mochu is like that?

S&M: What, like Tom Cruise? God no. Why would you say that? Chuck’s not a Scientologist. He’s a Methodist.

RE: And does being a Methodist affect how he plays the game?

S&M: I can’t say. We’d probably need a randomised double-blind trial to really know for sure, and that might not be all that easy to arrange. In any event, many would argue that the league should spend its money on more important things.

RE: Like who? Who would argue that?

S&M: The Banker, for one. He likes a good argument. He once argued with a tree at one of our games.

RE: Did he win the argument?

S&M: Let’s just say the tree had no come-back.

RE: What are you doing to celebrate World All-Terrain Bocce Day?

S&M: As usual, I’ll be bathing with friends and then sleeping on the front lawn.

RE: Is that a tradition on All-Terrain Bocce Day?

S&M: No, I do it most days.

RE: SuperMario, it has been instructive.

S&M: Get a job.