The first round of the 2016 season kicked off in controversial circumstances at Sorrell Park in North Fremantle. With neither of the iBocce players in attendance, the guidelines require that their games be played by proxy. Instead, the fixtures were adjusted to move the iBocce games to other rounds. It is not clear whether money changed hands.

Motherchucker wasted no time making his feelings known, allocating most of his Sunday Times column to “Fixturegate”. The stewards are said to be looking into the matter.

The other big news of the day was the press conference held by the Nomads, at which Gonad and BP announced that they would henceforth be known as “the Inscrotables”.

The Jolly Rogers seemed unfazed by the fixturing brouhaha, winning all three of their games, beating the Flying Pigs (without Serge) 7-3, the Ball Boys 8-3 and GBU (sans Stella) 7-6.

The Ball Boys won their other game, a 7-4 defeat of GBU, who did manage one victory from three, taking down the Inscrotables, 7-5. It was not all bad for the inscrotable ones, as they managed to dispatch the Pigs, 7-4.

The winless Pigs are yet to open their 2016 account.