Just before the Melbourne Cup, all eyes were on the fashions trotted out at the AATBL finals on 30 October 2011.

Hoping to improve his prospects for next year, Painter had opted to stay at his all-terrain bocce training camp in sunny “Pakistan”.  His hand-picked proxy was Farkus, a seasoned campaigner and long-time nasty bastard, who Painter hoped would kill or maim just enough other players for him to seize the glory.

Shane also took the bold step of playing by proxy, after his surgeon inadvertently replaced his shoulder with a banana muffin. Ever philosophical, but not being all that chuffed with age and experience, Shane went for youthful exuberance, tapping Larry on the shoulder, giving the strapping lad the nod and pushing him forward to do the deed, as proxy, in the finals.

The first round saw BP draw first blood, beating the day’s eventual victor 7:4.  Farkus (for Painter) whipped S&M, 7:3.  Rawalpindi Express placed Reg on the edge of the cliff and prevailed 7:3, while Larry (for Shane) crumbled The Rock 7:6.  Teffles was handed an early exit by Stormboy 7:6 and the proxy conglomerate playing for The Banker went down 7:3 to the relieved Brand X.

It’s a funny game, all-terrain bocce.  For example, the minor premier was beaten in round two by last-placed Brand X.  Stormin’ Norman Hound Dog Taylor was too good for Farkus, gazumping him 8:4.  Serge, stung by his loss to BP, lifted his game against Larry to win 7:3.  SuperMario accrued his second loss for the day, 7:3, when he met RE in the second round.

The semis saw RE return to the cliff to defeat Brand X 9:2 and Serge had his way with Stormboy, again, 7:2.

That left only those with spinal injuries remaining, Sir Justice Airwick AO PG and the Rawalpindi Express. 

The grand final was a close contest, closer than even Reg could recall. When the dust settled, in the dying light, Serge emerged victorious, 7:6.